A Case for Giving Thanks—Even When Chaos Surrounds You

Thanksgiving can feel especially brutal during presidential election years, can’t it? Many of us are already bracing for the difficult conversations and emotional tension that seem to come with the territory. It’s easy to get distracted by the anticipation of awkward debates and family drama, but in doing so, we risk losing sight of the true purpose of the holiday. This year, I encourage you to shift your focus away from the chaos and toward something that’s been scientifically proven to boost both your mental and physical health: giving thanks.

Here’s how practicing gratitude can benefit you this holiday season:

1. It Helps You Sleep Better

Let’s be honest—you’ll need all the rest you can get when those family conversations start to get a little... intense. Research shows that practicing gratitude can improve the quality of your sleep, helping you feel more rested and better prepared to handle any holiday stress. So, take a moment to focus on the positives before you head to bed—it could make all the difference for the next day.

2. It Reduces Anxiety and Depression

Multiple studies have found that gratitude is linked to lower levels of anxiety and depression. If you find yourself feeling a bit down around the holidays, practicing gratitude can help you shift your mindset and prevent the seasonal blues from taking over. It’s a simple, but effective tool to help you stay balanced.

3. It Makes You Enjoy Life More

It’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong in life—whether it’s a beat-up car or a to-do list that never ends. But shifting your perspective to focus on the things that are going well can make a world of difference. Taking time to acknowledge the positives in your life helps you savor the moments that matter.

4. It Helps You Age Better

In his book Triumphs of Experience, George Vaillant found that people who age most successfully aren’t the ones obsessing over cholesterol and waistlines—they’re the ones who practice gratitude and forgiveness. So, forget the Botox. You might just find that being thankful has the power to keep you feeling (and looking!) younger. 

5. It Makes You a Better Friend

We all want friends who’ve got our backs. Practicing gratitude has been shown to boost prosocial behaviors, like offering emotional support and helping others. So, when you focus on gratitude, you not only improve your own well-being—you also become a better friend, spouse, and family member.

6. It Strengthens Your Heart

This isn’t just a metaphor. A 1995 study found that practicing gratitude can actually change your heart rate variability, which may help lower blood pressure and reduce the risk of sudden death in patients with heart issues. Gratitude might just be a secret weapon for your heart health.

7. It Makes You More Resilient

Gratitude can help you respond to criticism and challenges with greater resilience. People who regularly practice gratitude are better equipped to handle negative comments without taking them personally or reacting impulsively. So, when difficult or unsolicited opinions come your way this Thanksgiving, you may find yourself able to respond with more patience and composure.

You might be thinking: “But I’m just not the gratitude type. It’s hard for me to feel thankful, especially with the family dynamics I’ve got going on.” I get it. But gratitude is a habit that anyone can develop. Start small. Write down a few things you’re grateful for each week and share that list with a friend or loved one. The more you practice, the easier it gets.

Another great way to introduce gratitude into your life is by borrowing from the Japanese Naikan tradition of meditation. It encourages you to reflect on three simple questions:

• What have I received from __________?

• What have I given to __________?

• What troubles or difficulties have I caused __________?

These questions help you reflect on your relationships—especially the difficult ones—and understand your role in shaping the dynamics. They offer a more balanced view of how we interact with others, helping us cultivate empathy and gratitude.

At the end of the day, giving thanks is a choice. You can choose to focus on the chaos, the discomfort, or the things that irritate you. Or, you can choose to focus on gratitude. The science is clear: gratitude can make you healthier, happier, and more resilient. So, why not give it a try this Thanksgiving?

And hey, even if your family drives you nuts, remember: it could always be worse. Always.

Now, I’d love to hear from you—what are you grateful for this Thanksgiving?

Supporting the Mental Health of Trans People: A Call for Change

On Trans Day of Remembrance (TDOR), observed annually on November 20, we pause to honor the lives of transgender individuals lost to violence, discrimination, and systemic neglect. This solemn day is not just a moment to reflect on the past but also an opportunity to confront the urgent need for societal change. It calls us to create a world where trans lives are not only remembered but valued and supported.

Mental health is a crucial part of this conversation. Many transgender individuals face overwhelming mental health challenges, including anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation, driven by stigma, discrimination, and barriers to accessing affirming care. As we mourn those we have lost, we must also advocate for the living—shining a light on the systemic issues that prevent trans people from receiving the compassionate mental health care they deserve.

This blog is a call to action for allies, providers, and advocates. By educating ourselves, dismantling harmful barriers, and fostering inclusive care, we can ensure that trans individuals are not only remembered on days like TDOR but are empowered to heal, thrive, and live full, authentic lives.

“I can’t help but wonder how my life might have been different... if anyone who saw me during treatment had recognized my gender dysphoria and shown me ways to address it without harming my body.”
—Anonymous person, reflecting on their mental health treatment experience.

This poignant quote encapsulates the immense challenges trans individuals face in seeking adequate mental health care. Entering treatment is daunting for anyone, but trans people often encounter additional barriers:

• Will these providers have experience working with trans individuals?

• Will my gender identity be blamed for my mental health challenges?

• Will they respect my pronouns and gender identity?

• What if I face discrimination or bullying during treatment?

Sadly, these concerns are not unwarranted. Studies show that one-third of trans individuals delay or avoid seeking healthcare altogether, fearing mistreatment or judgment. In fact, the trans community has long struggled to access equitable and informed care:

• Trans individuals are four times more likely to live in poverty and are less likely to have health insurance.

• Many medical schools devote fewer than five hours to LGBTQ+ health education—some provide none at all.

• Around half of trans patients report needing to educate their doctors on trans-specific health issues.

• Over 70% of trans people have experienced discrimination in healthcare settings.

The hashtag #TransHealthFail illustrates these issues, allowing trans people to share their experiences of inadequate or harmful care. Here are a few recent examples:

• “I went to the ER for a broken wrist. They spent more time questioning my gender than addressing my injury.”

• “My doctor insisted on a pregnancy test before treating my sprained ankle, even after I explained I’m a trans man without a uterus.”

• “They refused to call me by my name until I legally changed it, despite it being in my chart.”

These posts highlight the need for systemic change in healthcare to better serve the trans community.

Addressing the Unique Challenges of Trans Mental Health

Trans individuals often face unique stressors contributing to mental health struggles, such as societal stigma, dysphoria, and discrimination. Research shows that trans people are disproportionately affected by anxiety, depression, and suicidality compared to the general population. It's vital that providers recognize and respect the complex relationship between a trans person's mental health and their lived experience.

For instance, gender dysphoria might manifest differently across individuals. Some might attempt to suppress physical characteristics they associate with their birth-assigned gender, while others might struggle with body-related distress rooted in societal pressures. In all cases, affirming care and culturally competent support are crucial for effective treatment.

What Can We Do?

If you’re a friend or ally of a trans person struggling with mental health issues:

• Use the correct pronouns and apologize sincerely if you make a mistake.

• Be patient, listen actively, and acknowledge their experiences without judgment.

• Encourage them to seek help from affirming providers while offering emotional support.

If you’re a provider:

• Educate yourself on trans-specific health issues so your patients don’t have to educate you.

• Recognize that mental health struggles are not caused by a person’s gender identity but by societal and systemic barriers they face.

• Create an inclusive, affirming environment for all patients, regardless of their gender identity.

By addressing the gaps in healthcare and mental health services for trans individuals, we can reduce barriers to treatment and help more people access the care they need. Trans people deserve affirming, respectful care—like all of us.